Dear Mistrix Kali,
At the beginning, Thank You very much indeed for a life-changing session. My gratitude is extended naturally to include your acceptance on booking me in, patience shown toward my ignorance at this realm and the extra mile of support. It is factual statement to say you are exceptionally professional, but more than that, the interaction showed me how you are a loving soul, compassionate with those who enter your realm, a signature artist in creating that realm and an added value to society. Traits which are combined with elegance, inner and outer beauty and solemnity presence. Thank you very much indeed!
Digesting exceptional events usually takes me substantial time to well comprehend them. It is essential to let emotions sink in and settle down, so understanding grows organically in a form of factual description. The following is my reflection on our session which I would like to share.
I have a vivid memory of how nervous I was. The drums beating in my head was constant, enlarging the anticipation and apprehension. The high adrenaline running through my veins heightened my senses. However, I never felt the urge to run away. Your presence didn’t make things easier but heightened the tension even more. It was not in a negative way; your beauty, high self-confidence and thoughtful words all collaborated in increasing the adrenaline. The moment I passed the curtains, I knew the “mighty” realm is a real place. The burnt scents impacted me vigorously. The creatively lit chamber downsized me instantly. The well-selected background music replaced the sound of the drums I was hearing. Your presence was the focal point of all that realm. It was obvious who is governing the moment naturally – it was you…. “are you scared? There are plenty of things here will make you scared” – “… when you are tied…., and I will tie you”: words spoken in an ascertain tone. I will never forget them. A tone cannot be used unless someone enjoys ruling that realm. It was not only my clothes which were stripped off me, but my ego. I started to feel overwhelmingly captured – soul and body.
Kneeling naked before you was normal in the moment but way abnormal too. I started to stutter, losing control over my words and physical awareness. Now I know that the inception events – only – rushed the adrenaline to a point beyond my handling capacity, and that’s why I almost fainted and we had to take a break. I am almost sure that you were enjoying it, and you consciously did not lower the bar for me but insisted on moving on whenever I was ready. In retrospective thought, I believe that what happened was crucial to break my ego; to reach holistic submission; and to cross over my anxiety; i.e. to prepare me mentally and physically for the session. I never felt, at any given moment, unsure or compelled to stop the session. I had never met you before, but being before you will lead to trust, naturally. If that is not an art, what else can art be! Thank you!
The mastered art of sensory deprivation was magical. When some senses were denied I felt the allowed senses heightened. I had moments when I smelled things I usually can’t recognise, felt the touch of objects differently, the sight of the scene reached a level of boldness I am not used to which was translated to a reaction of shyness. When the undenied senses didn’t help I was forced to use my mind in a state of spiritual journey – Shamanic journey a like. I was literally spaced out but with new sorts of feelings. During those moments I may have reacted impolite and lacked proper manners in replying – If so, I sincerely apologise.
The emotions I experienced during the session were complex. The translated feelings of being loved and cared for emerged from within pain and degradation. I was in a state of immobility yet felt safe. I was subjected to deliberate physical hurt, but I felt cared for. I was forcefully subjected to terrifying actions (in my own standards) but I felt encouraged. I was force-fed, yet it tasted elegantly delicious. That state, essentially, is identical to “Stockholm Syndrome” but with significant a perceived difference which is: I have always felt free…. but captured. The psychology behind that is way beyond my understanding, but it intrigued me to explore it further.
I have tried so far to avoid physical description of the session but within the following it is inevitable. Tied to the bench and on my knees, I was subjected to anal initiation. Emotions of being violated and used were increased to its peak. I was left there without enough senses to capture the moment; the only sight I had was your feet traveling on the wooden floor, the only smell was the leather on which my nose rested, the only touch I was able to recognise were the strip marks of lashes, unable to taste anything but the remnants of what I had been fed. Then the background music accompanied me in to a journey within which I lost all my five senses for what felt like eternity. I felt hopeless and weak during the journey but was filled with an incomprehensible pleasure. Tied, gagged and blindfolded on the bed, alone, I was brought back to reality. The anticipation I had experienced before was replaced by feeling ready; thanks to you. I was unable to see you, but I was able to see your energy in the darkness and feel it shared with mine. The energy movement in my body was so powerful and probably was the cause of my legs being ultra-weak and shaky. When the blindfold was unleashed my eyes couldn’t comprehend the situation; this divine beautiful Mistress is ‘penetrating me’, which made me feel the energy flow heading rapidly to the Crown. It was a Nirvana-like moment, when my mind was in stilling mode and Kundalini energy flowed freely up to the Crown Chakra; this brought on my first ever Full Body Orgasm. Thank You!
I have thought about the session a lot, and the conclusion I reached was: you didn’t break my mind, but you broke within it to demolish the wall that I – and probably most others – have built to segregate conscious from subconscious brain. Where everything is possible and nothing is there but our basic instincts; no shame, no unreasonable fear, and no boundaries for pleasure. I have tried to break through that wall using the soft power of meditation, but I, evidently, needed more vigorous means. Thus, you have empowered and liberated me during that moment. Thank you!… I am not sure if you play with energy consciously, but I am sure you are gifted in it. Your presence is super impowered by the highly active aura of yours, an aura of energy carefully shared with your playmate via accurate touches. Your precise utilisation of sensory deprivation played an essential role in directing the energy flow. A wonderful example was during the finale scene: You generated Kundalini within me, shared an extra of yours with me and kept allowing it to flow up and down the four lowest Chakras – started by the smoothest insertion into the Root up to Heart – at the right moment you un-gagged me to allow the energy to flow toward the Throat Chakra, then you added more energy of yours to me, via touches, up to limits I have never experienced. The unleashe of the blindfold and the sudden most beautiful sight opened the third Eye Chakra to allow the energy to be pumped rapidly toward the Crown and this was when I experienced the full body orgasm, which was a mind orgasm in the first place. A state of mind I have never reached before, during which I was filled with love (as a general concept), happiness, power and appreciation. As I said at the beginning, this was a life-changing experience for me. So, Thank You very much indeed for all you have done.
At the end of these reflections I would like to emphasise that, even though all I expressed above is genuine emotions, feelings, and thoughts – they are however, limited to how I lived the experience. I am pretty sure that you lived it from a different perspective, which may not necessarily conform to mine. I hope that yours was, at the very least, not a negative one.
I highly appreciate your valuable time spent reading this. I consider myself very lucky that I had the chance to meet you. I look forward to hearing from you and seeing you soon.
Best wishes to you at this festival season; Merry Christmas (if you celebrate) and Happy New Year and many to come.